Thursday, March 3, 2016

Trying (and failing!) to find my groove

When I went back to school last June, I was prepared for a hard year. However, I was quite determined to keep my training going. Even if I wasn't getting faster, I wanted to maintain my fitness. I managed to compete successfully in the summer, which was a HUGE boost for me. Come the fall, I thought I should focus on my running, since that is the easiest to fit in in the least amount of time. I had a few successful run races (an 8 and a 10K), but quickly realized that I wouldn't be able to keep that same run volume and intensity going, while balancing school, coaching, working at WattsUp and being a part-time step mum of 3! So, I decided to take another step back from training (I cancelled my annual mid-winter training camp in California, cut my run mileage way back, stopped all intense runs, cut back my time in the pool, etc.) I did end up increasing my biking, but only because I was working at WattsUp more!

As of January, my new focus became consistency. I thought that if I was able to be consistent with my training then I would be able to build back my fitness a little quicker come spring. However, even that has proven to be difficult! January and February brought a whole new set of obstacles...horrible and selfish people making life difficult, WattsUp being busier than expected, kids' illnesses, Adam's illness and now my illness that forced me to take almost a whole week of rest instead of what it was supposed to be a big volume week of training! :( If I thought 2016 would bring an end to the various obstacles I've been up against in the past few years, I was definitely wrong. I consider myself a fighter, but I'm so sick of fighting so hard all the time for what I want. It's exhausting!

So, I am left feeling frustrated, angry and worried. Frustrated, because I can't seem to follow a plan. I hate uncertainty and that's all my life is right now. Even when Adam write's a training plan for me that should be straightforward and easy to follow, it's not. And this is purely because nothing else in my life is following a set plan. Just when things seem to start to flow, something unexpected comes up that requires my energy. The anger comes from the fact that I feel helpless, because I am not in a position to take control and change anything. School, work, family and my health take priority over training right now and they dictate my schedule. And while I'm not angry about that, because I'm thankful to have those as priorities, I do get angry when I can't train! And the worry comes from the fact that race season is not too far away. I have high expectations of myself. I have goals. And every week that training gets derailed is another week I lose to prepare myself for triathlon season.

I figure that I will be able to find my groove eventually! Only 8 weeks of classes, 2 weeks of exams, 1 week of OSCE prep, board exams...then I'm free for the summer :) Let's just hope I am not too badly out of shape by then.

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